Letters from the Equator

it feels like i haven’t said a word on blog in a month, even though i just posted something up a few days ago. i’m acclimatizing to a new life, and it feels like i’ve lost sense of time. at times everything feels too rushed, and sometimes it feels we have all the time in the world. i hope it’s something normal, and or someone will have to explain what this whole ‘settling down’ business is all about.

everyone’s asking me how married life is. i’d have to agree with my senior pastor that marriage is a mystery. it is a blessing, for sure. and it’s not so scary for me to lose my bachelorhood, since i’ve been anticipating this ‘bus’ for awhile now. it certainly is a lot more convenient, as i don’t have to spend time travelling back and forth from her house to see her all the time. and i’m getting used to the fact that she’s around a lot more now.

what did i lose? i lost my old life, that’s gone… i certainly don’t have all the privacy i used to have anymore. and actually, that’s quite comforting. i don’t know why. i guess i kind of got tired of trying to run my own life for myself all the time. now i’ve got someone else’s life to care for besides my own, and it’s for the both of us. it’s kind of like a cosy place to come home to now… and not so lonely.

for once in my life, i felt like i grew up by a lot. it’s hard to see that every day in the mirror. i still sort of look like i did 10 years ago. when pastor koon hee was presenting the challenges before us as a married couple, i was really overwhelmed by the task i was receiving as a new husband. and it really is a commitment that binds us eternally, strength to strength, unconditionally. and then i remembered that i wasn’t alone… that though the responsibilities were great, god would still be there to help me, no matter what. and it’s really comforting knowing that it is his desire for our marriage to withstand the storms of our lives.

it’s a sobering experience knowing that you’re no different as a human being before and after getting married… and being married doesn’t make you any more intelligent, wise, capable, etc. but it just feels weird for me cos i think a lot of my friends haven’t tied the knot yet. and we’re kind of in this for ourselves, and we’re not in any kind of marriage bandwagon with other similar types. so i don’t know where to draw references from.

but as life is a journey and not a destination, i’m assuming that i’ll be posting a lot more reflections on married life directly or indirectly from now on. it should be an interesting change. i’m kind of curious how my blog will turn out to be.

anyway, it’s late. i should be in bed. she already is. i’m just here cos this is a well-needed post.