I don’t know what got into me, but I got to a point where I was so confident of getting my next car, I put a downpayment for it and put up ads to sell off my Kelisa. It wouldn’t have been so bad, except that the build-up had been really enormous.
Almost a full year’s worth of soul-searching for the next ride, and an growing expectation that the rewards would outweigh the costs. And the choice I made was a very personal one. Too bad that I had to give it all up at the very last moment.
It was going to be twice the monthly payment that I’m making now. Twice the horsepower. Twice the speed. Twice the cost. And that was all I could think about. I really almost forgot that I had an apartment I needed to furnish, bills to start paying, increasing food expenses, and just recently a 30% increase in petrol prices.
I wasn’t sure if I made the decision based on sound advice, or on safeguarding future investments, or whether I was just being plain selfish. But it was getting too complicated, and I needed a way out…. and I didn’t plan on burning any bridges or stepping on people’s feet.
In the end, it was me who got burned the most. The RM600 I lost to the downpayment and the ads count for almost nothing. I’m more depressed over the fact that I let myself get this far. I’m frustrated over the bloated auto industry. I’m confused over issues of wealth, provision, practicality, goals, and consumption.
And it’s seeping into all the other parts of my life…. should I always make myself out to be someone else’s support, and does it seem impractical to earn something I have affinity for? Do my purchases always have to be justified to the core? My money, God’s money,… it comes and goes. And now I have no clue what really should be done with it. I once thought I did, to an extent.
There are no straight answers now. I suppose I did make the right decision. A home is closer to the hearts of a married couple. I told my wife that I gave the car up because “cars are less costly than people”. I chose to love people more. I guess that’s what God would have wanted me to do.
I really did love that car…. now all I have left is a story to show for it. But may God be praised.