depressed again
I’m tired and sleepy, but I don’t want to sleep. I feel that I’ve lost all my personal time which I really wanted to have for the past 3 weeks. And now I’m having withdrawal. While I was at it, I thought about whether there is such a thing as personal time. I haven’t brought it out into the open, as I assumed it would be a sensitive topic, me being married and all.
But I used to enjoy doing stuff all by myself. I guess after all the years of teenage self-loathing and failed attempts at trying to fit into social circles, I finally gave up and decided to just do my own thing. And I just HAD to be born in age where personal computers became all the rage.
And right now I’m in front of one, my own one, which I paid with my hard earned money, for once,…. and immersing myself in one of those internet phenomena known as blogging. My mind spaces in and out between the recollection that I termed myself an “internet hobbyist” earlier this week.
What makes me so?
I remember when I first got my 14.4kbps modem back in the day, and was absolutely euphoric that I could seemingly travel to distant worlds over a simple terminal and communicate with foreign strangers who could understand english.
And now, it gives me absolutely no satisfaction whatsoever, apart from the fact that it serves me an outlet for my frustrations. I probably read about 10 sentences out of every hundred in a single blog post. I don’t expect others to do the same… hence the pointlessness of it all.
Anyway, bringing myself back to reality…… it’s about 1.16am right now, and me, the husband is at home, while the wife is out partying in some club in the city somewhere with her colleagues. It’s a rare change of pace, and I like that. I think of it as one of those surprises in life that reminds me that I’m still human and not a robot.
Ah, well….. life goes on. I’m hitting the forums.
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