i did something wrong today
A guy was tailgating me on a suburban mainroad, and I jabbed my brakes to ward him off. I don’t recommend that you should do this, as I now conclude that I will no longer be pulling this stunt off for the duration of my earthly life.
It would’ve been nice if I had been led to this point by a rhema, an inspiration, a gift… but for those few minutes after I had decided that jamming my brakes was a poignant statement for “don’t tailgate, here’s a lesson” turned out to be “don’t tailgate, here’s a lesson, and please feel free to ask any questions”…. and the harasser attempted to cut my lane as if it was his dying wish. And I wouldn’t let him.
This wouldn’t have been so bad if I was alone in the car. But I had 3 other passengers. And it also wouldn’t have been so bad if he just got onto a faster lane and drove off, but instead he persisted to mock me by trailing me on the right, and stop to wait for me to catch up, so that he could cut me within 1 inch of leeway between my front and his back.
So, he did. Then, I guessed it would’ve been just plain stupid for him to just stay there so long after cutting me (which he also did for a short time), he drove off.
And by that time I was scared and pissed and silent at the same time. I came home in deep emotional catharsis, and prayed to God and talked to myself in thought, like I always do.
I prompted myself to make a decision to stop my road rage, because God doesn’t waste time on us. But on what basis? Maybe the Way is about allowing myself to be bullied, shoved, kicked around, all in the name of love…. for those close to us and around us.
I suddenly realized (or was led to) that I am very afraid of what I become after being bullied by other people. I have powerful memories of harassment in the past, and maybe I just got used to fighting back on grounds I knew I could win… because most of the time, I would just give up and hide myself in thoughts.
If you’re still reading, an adult is a product of his childhood, and childhood perceptions are a very hard thing to break. But God still tries his best.
The problem isn’t that I want the wrong thing. It’s that I want my own way, and I’m also afraid that God’s way is worse. That’s not true, of course… but some people just have to learn that the hard way. 
If you’re the guy I met on the road, I’m sorry. Two wrongs don’t make a right.
Categorized as other