Letters from the Equator

My wife and I has our UK visas approved a few days ago. Our first application was rejected, due to misunderstanding the application requirements. Although we’re happy that this challenge is over, there are lots more to come. The cost to us was wasted time, and RM1328, and we were really starting to get extremely anxious about our possibilities.

This is a reality of making change happen.

Right now, there’s tons of stuff lying around the house waiting to be sorted into boxes for storage. We’ve got some farewells scheduled for the week ahead, and our tickets paid. I’ve made connections with old friends in London, and asked for tips on employment, and begun applying for jobs for my wife. I don’t like too much to do, but I have to get through it somehow.

Also, unemployment is increasing in the UK, particularly in London. This isn’t good news. So far, none of the jobs we’ve applied for have been positive. But at the same time, we’ve been partly selective as well. There’s lots more room to go. We haven’t used headhunters, applied for temp jobs, or skimped on our salary requirements.

Everytime I’m overwhelmed by all the logistical execution I hate to do, I’m reminded by how comfortable I could be if I didn’t wrestle so much with my career demands. But I know deep inside, I will never have this chance again. Not a chance to succeed, but a chance to try what I felt was the right thing to do at a point in my life.

For others, it could mean getting married, having yet another child, going into the army, or quitting your job.

I have an advantage in that I don’t listen to other people very well. So I throw away a lot of negative comments, and keep the good ones to myself. I also have a wife who’s supportive of my decision. I assume it could be worse.

Here are my navigational compasses that have kept me sane over the last few months:

One Step at a Time

Ellen Macarthur, one of the fastest people to sail around the world, swears on preparing for how much of yourself to expend to work through repeated circumstances of tension again and again over a long period of time. She circumnavigates rough seas, where anything can happen at any time.

My circumstances are hardly a match to hers, but it helps me realize that doing big things isn’t the way to go forward. Big things are only a signal of the destination, and not the journey. What goes into the journey are little things you have to do, most of which are annoying, frustrating, and seemingly unnecessary. But these are things you have to do. I am more prepared now to waste and burn energy than I was a few months ago.

It is absolutely necessary to go through stuff like getting an application form filled up right, spending hours waiting to get my car sold, closing bank accounts, applying for jobs, and so on. It sounds easy but nobody likes to do these things.

Life Stories are Filled with People

One of my strategies in getting ahead in life is in allowing people to “talk” me through phases in life. What I do is get in touch with people who have a specific direction, or are at a certain place in life I want to be. I make an effort to talk to them casually, and usually this is all I ever do, apart from occasional questions for tips and advice. I do this over longer periods, like months or years.

This helps me form real relationships with people who are “there”. Once I’m there, I know I’ll have people I can talk to. It’s like a story, where I meet people at different points in my life, and sometimes we meet again in the future. Each time I recall a part of my life, it’s filled with people and easy to remember. Facebook helps, too.

This is in contrast to making a decision and then making friends where I end up. Sometimes if you take a backseat in life, you end up hanging out with other people who are taking a backseat in life. I just choose not to be there.

Things that can’t be Explained often Stay that Way

I had dinner last night with my paternal uncle, who remarked that this is a part of life we all have to go through, if we really want to get “somewhere” in life. He stopped there, as though it was something the both of us understood. He’s past 50, and I’m close to 30 - and we’ve both had different lives to live.

Sometimes life needs to stay unexplained like that. We stopped talking about what it takes to survive, whether it’s really necessary for me to go back to school, and what if I considered alternatives. We’ve both come to an agreement that we’re looking at life in the eye now. It’s that “thing” that we all have to go through, to achieve our dreams (or whatever it is).

I stopped telling myself reasons why I should or shouldn’t go. I stopped reading too much motivational and practical material. Right now, it’s just learning what I can and making the best of it, in my own way. And a lot of it can’t be explained. You just have to make a decision, and execute, pick up where you fail, and make amends.

“You concentrate on solving your problems or keeping the boat safe or making sure you take the best route through the storm so you don’t get caught in the worst part of it and you just concentrate on coming out the other side,.” - Ellen MacArthur