Friday marked the 6th month my wife has been at her job. That’s a good cause to celebrate, though I screwed up our dinner date coming home late from work Friday night. So we went out for a nice dinner at Tupelo Honey tonight, instead. Check out the restaurant from streetview.

I realized that her 6 months at her job meant that I had also done 6 months at my part-time job, which is really cool in a weird way… weird not because of the job, but because I haven’t said much about it, and that’s due to reasons I can’t explain right now. So you just have to believe me that it really is cool, and that the work is great and all that. Because it is.

All I can say is that, around the time I got the job, I was looking for part-time work, but I was being fussy because I told myself I wouldn’t do something that would just pay me minimum wage. I interviewed for a job at uni that assisted tutors teaching semi-tech-literate people Word and Powerpoint for £10 an hour, but that was bare minimum.

At the same time, I was rummaging through online job classifieds like loot.com and gumtree and other sites that were mostly crap. I wasn’t sure I was keen on taking up programming work again but I applied for this opening for a web developer, and I got a call almost immediately and met with the guy who ended up hiring me. After being through many shady deals in the past, I was wary of stuff on the interwebs, so I was really thankful for this opportunity. And I’m confident to say that now, 6 months into the job.

Community and Volunteering

Anyway, so work is really picking up steam from all fronts. I’ve got 5 papers due, with only about a month or so to work with, plus a major exam coming up. Then, I have this dissertation thing, which is still bogged down with paperwork due to ethics clearance and risk assessments. And that volunteer thing I signed up for at IXDA is now officially in phase 3, which involves a lot more work.

So I think I’m going to drop the volunteer thing, although I think the experience has been really great and the people I get to work with are really cool. It gave me a fresh perspective of what volunteering is like, and I’d definitely take it up in the future, just to contribute back to the community.

That being said, I did attend Barcamp London 6 recently, and it was quite an experience. I think it would’ve been a lot more valuable if I was part of the volunteer team, or at least familiar with the community or people who were involved in organizing the camp. I just felt a bit like an outsider, and although the sessions were good, it really felt like a big techie club.

I’m all in for UXCampLondon though, which is coming up… oh, I don’t know… soon. I’ve already built a bit of rapport with some folks in the UX community (thanks to UX book clubs, UPA, and Twitter), so at least it’ll be like hanging out with some people I already know.

Podcasts, Herbs and Knowing God

Apart from that, I’ve been listening to podcasts of sermons from my pastor, Rod Anderson, at Commonwealth Church. The podcasts are great because it’s just good to go over messages again and again, because it’s about practicing life from what I’ve learnt, and checking myself again and again to see how good (or bad) things have been going, and of course, to discover how God is working in my life.

What’s even better is how God is also working through the lives of others, and I get to hear about that through the sermons as well. And it’s about going back in time and reflecting on the journey we’ve gone through as a church.

Rod has been taking us through a series of messages on Spirit vs. Flesh, and the most profound, yet practical part of the whole message is that while the truth of sin having no power over my life because of Christ, convincing my body and soul of that truth is all about the mind being in agreement with the spirit. This is opposed to, say, the conditioning of the soul and body to influence the mind (which, if you think about it, seems to make more sense, in a way).

And Christian living doesn’t always “make sense”, like in book sense. It’s more like jungle trekking or cooking, where you just have to get your hands dirty and actually do it, to realize what it means. So, yeah – I’ve been reading the whole Romans 7 and 8 thing in so many ways over the years, but it only really starts to make sense when I take it seriously, look closely at what it means, and put it to practice in my life.

Like, for the life of me, I can never tell what’s the difference between thyme and rosemary and all the other herbs. I used to use “italian mixed herbs” and “oregano” so often because to me they were all the same. But I’m slowly starting to discern them herbs apart, and I actually bought like a fresh pack of rosemary the other day for cooking. It’s like becoming a favorite herb of mine, until I start to discern another herb. And that’s because I can’t avoid cooking without herbs – almost every dish I look at has some kind of herb or another.

So, I could’ve been like, “all herbs are the same”, but I decided I needed to start taking my herbs seriously. Thus, the whole Romans 7 and 8 thing in my life.

update: This isn’t a post about proselytizing/evangelism/converting people. It’s about people understanding who I am.

One of the things I do very rarely on this blog is talk about my faith. And I admit it’s because of the expectation I think people have of me (which isn’t always as expectation I place on myself), and I feel this is justified to a degree.

Most of my friends and family don’t share the same kind of beliefs I do, even though we may carry long friendly conversations and relate to one another very affectionately. And I guess it has helped me navigate in social circles of different kinds, despite disagreeing on principle.

And I guess I could be more open about my beliefs, but I do fear the problems of being socially ostracized, rejected, or misunderstood (as I often am when I discuss my beliefs). Things tend to be nicer and friendlier when I keep quiet about those things.

However, I allow my life to be “read” like a book without words. And maybe this why I am quite open about other things, such as my life on facebook or on a blog. I don’t think I have anything particularly sensitive about me that I have problems exposing apart from some odd toilet habit which I shall never tell anyone about.

But this does mean people don’t know how my faith affects my life, which makes the whole thing all pointless – because for it to work, people who ‘read’ me have to go through a whole process of understanding what I believe, and they will almost never ever do that.

This is all fine for the whole world, but it’s not fine for me.

So I am thankful for this ‘club’ that I go to where people who share the same beliefs I do happen to be. It also helps that my wife is part of this ‘club’, so I don’t eat myself alive or commit suicide on a perfectly sunny day.

Sometimes, I wish so many people weren’t so anti-’this club’. But I can understand why they’re so against it. It just never made sense to them. And I consider myself one of the lucky ones to have not seen it from the ‘wrong’ light.

But I just wonder, if there is a ‘wrong’ light – why don’t we put more effort into helping people understand the ‘right’ light?

That’s where things got complicated for me, and I haven’t really done anything about it. But maybe I should.

what’s in my bag / flickrversary, originally uploaded by superlocal.

3 suitcases. 60kg.
1 knapsack.
1 camera bag.
1 ladies’ handbag.

I’m not sure I can fit the September issue of Topgear. I heard it’s got a review of the latest Ford RS (300bhp in a 2L engine?!).

I’m going to miss my GHM family. I’ll miss the children I teach on Fridays and Saturdays. They’re such fun and I really learn from them as much as I am teaching.

I know kids are intelligent. I don’t speak baby talk like “do you want to mum-mum”. A friend-couple’s 15 month old baby loves to press buttons – remote controls, ATMs, keyboards, you name it. He’s not supposed to, and he knows it. At 15 months, he can distinguish what’s right and wrong, and learns discipline and obedience.

Kids are intelligent, bright, and have such potential. But they need all the help they can get to be the best that they can be. So let’s give it up for children. They’re a blessing in our often cold and convoluted world.

Anyway, the children grabbed a whole bunch of stuff we wanted to give away. Decorative cups, led flashlight, clothes, sandals, coasters, journals, little knick knacks.

I’m reminded of an article I wrote recently about giving. Sometimes I wonder how we justify how much we own and how much we lose. But really – there’s no point about it. If you own something that you don’t enjoy – is that really owning? If you give away something that cost you more money but means more to someone else, who really deserves to own it more?

Giving helps break down those boundaries. And I know money isn’t always part of that equation. Because money comes and goes. Relationships shouldn’t.

And that’s the thing I’ll miss most – my family and friends. I’ll miss the boardgames, the conversations and the fun stuff we do together. I’m hoping the future will be brighter, and that there’ll be more chances to meet then.

So that’s my hope, that the future will be brighter. That there will be more hope for all of us. That I’ll have good things to report to everyone.

Our flight leaves tomorrow night at 8pm. I’ll need the rest I can get now.

Last week, there were a few memorable things worth mentioning.

On Thursday, we had a nice dinner meal with our new neighbors, who are a Chinese Canadian couple here in Malaysia for a year, teaching at a local college nearby. It was good to get to know them a little, and it was a new experience for us having a neighbor and all that. We’re not very sociable in our apartment unit. The only guys we talk to are the guards.

On Friday, I went for cell group, and it was really good being back together with the cell family. We spent the whole night sharing testimonies, partly because the last few weeks were so eventful that we didn’t get a chance to meet on our regular weekly meetings.

I’m believing God for an advancement and healing. LL is also going through the beginning stages of a new phase in life. It’s scary and exciting at the same time. Turning points are crucial times. I really have to be alert and there’s no time for rest.

I don’t know why, but I’ve been feeling really tired lately. I do try to get to bed on time, and avoid late nights, but somehow I’m lacking something. That, and I need to cycle more regularly. Maybe I should find some nice roads around my area and just do 10kms every few days or something.

Over the weekend, we celebrated SY’s birthday at Il Divo’s in Hartamas, and it was really fun and the food was really good. I kinda regretted not going over to SY and EK’s place after that, but LL and I had to head back since we had to be up early the next day. We’re already looking forward to our next dinner meetup, this time for Churrascaria and Korean BBQ.

Finally, today’s message was about how as Christians, we’re all called to be fathers, and in doing that we fulfill the great commission of making disciples of all nations. I really can’t disagree with that. As I begin to know God more, I find that his heart is really about people. That’s how he’s slowly transforming my heart to be.

The week ahead will be another crazy one. God promises rest and victory amidst the chaos.

The session basically focuses on recurring negative patterns (e.g. constant job loss, sickness at a certain time of the year, etc.), and attempts to recount past experiences in which the counselee had made an inner vow or a bitter root judgement.

The basis of this is Matthew 7:1, where we will be judged in the same measure in which we judge. We commonly focus on the trigger as the cause rather than our response, whereas the bible makes it clear that it’s our response that gets us in or out of trouble.

So, for example, if my dad hit me in the face for no apparent reason, and I judged him bitterly for that and said, “I will never hit anyone in the face”, then I’ve just placed a judgment on myself.

No matter that the action was probably wrong, but it’s our responses that get us caught in a vicious cycle of pain and problems.

So, anyway, the prayer healing takes us through forgiveness and letting go of the judgments we made in order that we may be healed.

That has really helped me a lot, in the way I used to see my parents and some of my close friends and relatives. I used to be really critical at times, and it came from judgments I used to make on my parents and so on. After letting go of those judgments, I began to experience looking and relating with people differently, and with myself as well.

No doubt it was difficult at first, because some of the judgments I made were out of fear or wanting to build a fortress to protect myself. But as I began to allow God to show me that I didn’t have to live that way, it was a lot better.

I’m still far from being completely healed, but at least there’s hope, and I’m really glad that it’s real and that it’s something I can share with others, too.

No wonder the world then and the world now finds it hard to accept Jesus as the Messiah. Then and now, this is the world’s verdict on a crucified messiah. “It is foolish to the Jews, who ask for signs from heaven. And it is foolish to the Greeks, who seek human wisdom. So when we preach that Christ was crucified, the Jews are offended and the Gentiles say it’s all nonsense.” (1 Corinthians 1:22-23 NLT), taken from Grace @ Work, written by Tan Soo Inn

This year marks my 10th year as a Christian. Over the years, I’ve received all sorts of responses, some encouraging, others disturbing. But I’ve never once asked myself whether my decision to accept Jesus was “worth it”, because in all honesty, I’ve taken it for granted – there’s no question about it.

It’s not at all like looking for a nice pair of jeans, which you try on and wear for a period of time, and replace with a better one the next year. It’s kind of like how your new baby sister is coming, and now that she’s here, there’s no going back.

The only difference is that folks can relate to a new-baby-sister scenario. Most don’t relate to the Jesus-new-in your-life story.

So anyway, God and I have been talking, and I’m really going through a rough patch in my life at the moment, and I’m just praying for some real breathing space. I think it’s more mental than anything else, because sometimes when I do get a break, it doesn’t feel like a break.

But the good thing is that, well, that it’s a good kind of busy-ness… and God is teaching me a lot of things through this process. It feels like growing up, and like they say, growing up is hard to do.

So, to me, this Easter is about God “coming back” to life in me through the things that I’m doing, through intentional relationships, through being real with myself.

I always get scared about posting about my walk with God, because I know I’m accountable for it. But I guess that’s what real testimonies are all about.

Things are really picking up at work. Some new initiatives have been presented to us, and I’ve been passed the baton to aspire greatness in our team – with lack of ideas and know-how on how to get things done. Great stuff to work on, but equally scary and challenging.

I suppose I count this my transition of transitions. Learning how to, uh, learn (that sounded corny), when I thought I was done with that awhile ago. And this whole project management exam I’m preparing for doesn’t help. This is where I’m positioned to experience the depths and reach of God’s grace and strength. I can’t do it on my own.

There are more details I could discuss, but I’d rather not talk about the intangibles. For some reason, I’d rather be sure about what I’m talking about is true, rather than shoot myself in the foot later on.

But fact of the matter is… I’m learning a lot about life right now, and I really need to make sure I don’t miss out on every single thing, because it’s going to come back and haunt me if I’m not prepared.

It’s way past “my” bedtime. Ugh… I need control.

My wife and I would have gone through 2 years of matrimony in a few days’ time. Some people say that it’s the same as having a girlfriend come stay with you. But I don’t see it that way.

The past two years have been quite “easy” on us. I count moving into the new place a new phase in our lives, where we would have to get serious about our lives and work towards the future. This year would be a year of building.

We haven’t really thought about children, and at the same time, we’re not ready. But that time will come. So, we need to prepare for it.

The ministry we’re involved in at church is getting bigger. Though our schedules haven’t changed much, the expectations are greater, and we need to be more alert and take more ownership… building relationships… and allowing ourselves to grow as well.

At the same time, the siren call for us to move to the next step in our career has been sounding. We’re no longer the young twenty-somethings, and that scares me a little. I’m just thankful to God for leading us to the opportunities, and encouraging us to move forward.

I don’t like the mad rush, but it’s not in my control when circumstances arrive. God knows what He’s doing… but do I? I guess that’s what I need to find out soon, or else this year may not be that building stage that set things in place.

I thank God, I thank my wife, for being with me. In many ways it’s more than I can ask for.

2324.jpg
Originally uploaded by photowolf.

What is our reward for spiritual growth? So what if everyone agrees we need it? What’s the point of agreeing if we don’t know what it’s for? It becomes religious, ritualistic.

Then a bright spark asked what the difference was between salvation and spiritual growth. No, in fact he asked what happens if you just have salvation without spiritual growth. And that was a really good question, not because the answer wasn’t just plain obvious… but because it pointed to the very essence of why we need spiritual growth.

It’s about that relationship with God.

Everyone, even Christians, tend to equate the sum of Christianity to salvation through faith in Jesus Christ. There’s nothing wrong with that. But what’s left after you get that free ticket to heaven? And what’s so great about heaven anyway?

And that’s the point. The great reward in heaven is this God that you more than just get along with. It’s kind of like the member of the opposite sex you totally fell in love with forever and ever… and lived happily ever after, but without the happily.

I omit the ‘happily’ because spiritual growth isn’t a walk in the park. Just like how living with your spouse that you love really stretches you, so does a relationship with God (except the part where God is always right).

For a Christian, to not struggle is akin to not knowing God. For God is the kind of guy who like a football coach, a passionate lover, a humble mum, a jealous king, all rolled into one. Walking with God is always filled with non-boring stuff. And that’s what spiritual growth is all about.